Is This Thing On?

Hello there. My name is Ted, and I’ve written a humor memoir that I’m trying to get published. To do so, I’ll need an agent. Then that agent will have to negotiate some sort of book deal for me. After that, I’ll probably butt heads repeatedly with an editor over things like whether it’s ever OK to end a sentence with a preposition and how many Seinfeld references are too many.

And this is what I’m hoping will happen. For all I know, I may have to resort to going to FedEx/Kinko’s and selling copies out of my trunk.

Of course, I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know. If you’re reading this, there’s a 99.999% chance you know me well enough that when I sent you this link, you would’ve felt bad just deleting it.

So if you already know me and I already know you, why I am doing this? Because going from being an unpublished scrub to sitting on Oprah’s couch could take a while, and writing agent query letters isn’t much of a creative outlet.

However, I have to admit that even from the get go, I feel a little dirty blogging. When it comes to content, the Internet certainly values quantity over quality, and I’d never want to claim that this blog is a legitimate source of … well, anything.

As such, here’s my pledge to you: On this page, the only informed debate you’ll find will center on hot topics like “Why is Hot Topic so creepy?” and “Who is more annoying, people who don’t hold a door for you or people who don’t say ‘Thank you’ when you hold the door for them?” I’ll get to keep writing new stuff, you’ll be relieved you didn’t have to hear it in person.

Really, it’s a win-win.

As for Jenny, she’s not quite so lucky. So when you talk to her, please don’t rub it in (see, the preposition totally works there).

Dunkleman out.


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