That Deceitful Squiggly Green Line

In my experience, trying to have a rational conversation with grammar check in Microsoft Word is like trying to use a urinal without getting showered in pee water.

Once upon a time, I thought it was possible. Now I never know what to expect.

What follows is a dramatic recreation of the latest exchange between my computer and me regarding its penchant for underlining things I write in green and then giving half-assed suggestions for improving them.

“OK, let’s see here. You’re suggesting I change ‘house-sat’ to ‘housesat.’ It’s Friday; what the hell?”

(I click “Change.”)

“Now you’re telling me ‘housesat’ is not a word. No kidding. That’s why I hyphenated it in the first place, jerk. Why are you always so difficult? And don’t give me that ‘I’m just a piece of software, I can’t be held accountable for my actions’ business. We both know that’s a lie.”
What? You just don’t talk to your word processor? How do you tell it that it’s the crazy one then?

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