Have you ever been asked to write about yourself in the third person? You know, rather than saying “I enjoy long walks on the beach, the McRib, and watching reruns of Press Your Luck on the Game Show Network,” you’d have to say “Bill enjoys long walks on the beach, the McRib, and watching reruns of Press Your Luck on the Game Show Network.”
If your name were Bill. And you liked all those things. But really, how could you not?
Unless you’re watching “The Jimmy” episode of Seinfeld, such a scenario usually only presents itself if you need to provide someone with your bio. Thankfully, those instances are few and far between because it’s hard not to feel like something of a jackass while writing this way.
However, as my literary agent prepares to start shopping the work I’m doing for “You Know Who’s Awesome?” as a book, she needs, among other things, a biographical sketch of yours truly that illustrates why I’m qualified to write what I do.
So, as it turns out, feeling like a jackass is actually rather useful since I’m trying to illustrate how I’m a compelling wiseass. True, jackasses and wiseasses aren’t quite the same, but they’re all in the same ass family.
I don’t know that I’ve ever liked a sentence I’ve written more than that last one.
How does one illustrate that he’s a wiseass? Glad you asked. Here’s a sample of how I’ve gone about it:
Ted’s journey back to his alma mater included stints as a production assistant trainee at ESPN and as a play-by-play announcer for a regional sports radio network. Of course, neither of those incredibly lucrative positions started right when he graduated, leading him to spend several months working at a golf course, during which time he may or may not have passed on his first “real” job to go to the Notre Dame-Michigan football game. The Irish won, so he has no regrets.
His parents are just happy he’s not living in their basement.
By the way, if you think this post was just a 350-word excuse to write “my literary agent,” you’re very perceptive.