I don’t usually consider myself to be an ideal person to give others advice. If any of you reading this happen to remember what my hair looked like sophomore year of high school, my position should be self-explanatory. If you don’t remember or didn’t know me back then, just imagine a cat coughing up a giant hairball on an otherwise bare, noticeably bowed linoleum floor.
I’m not kidding. In fact, I took that description so seriously that I looked up whether it’s “convex” or “concave” that means bent outward. I’m sorry if this dispels any myths about the vocabulary of people who succeed in publishing books.
But back to the advice. Like I said, dispensing it is something I generally avoid. However, if you constantly find yourself wondering: “How can I come across like a prick in everyday life?”, I found the answer yesterday.
You want to start by thinking your 1:30 meeting is actually at 2:30 and then waiting for one of the people you’re meeting with to call and ask where you are at, say, 1:50. If you can miss this call because you’re out walking the dog, so much the better.
Next, when you do finally show up, make an awesome joke about how at least you made it by the time you thought the meeting was scheduled to start. Finally, after the initial awkwardness passes, tell them: “I know we thought I could work on this project, but I’ve since spoken with my agent, and I just can’t fit it into my schedule right now.”
Incidentally, this will also make you feel like kind of a baller. That’s when you’ll be well-served to remember something along the lines of that haircut.