You Know Who’s Awesome? Husbands on The Newlywed Game

“Oh, so when this gameshow host I met 10 minutes ago asks me in front of a live studio audience whether you’re ‘sugar and spice and everything nice OR a depraved whore,’ I’m just supposed to act like last night in the hotel you didn’t beg me to do you, and I quote, ‘like the first Dream Team did Angola’?

“Well I’m sorry, Candy. I may be a lot of things, but I’m no liar.”

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