The Great Seinfeld Watch and Ranking

UPDATE: When we finish an episode, we will add it to the list at the bottom of this page based on how many points it scored out of 100 (50 possible points from me, 50 from Kevin), so you can see how the rankings are taking shape in real time. You’ll also find links to our video recaps from each day.

EVEN UPDATIER: We’ve decided to watch but not rank the highlight “clip” shows just to save a little bit of time.

UPDATIEST: At approximately 1:00 AM on Saturday, Oct. 13, 2012, we completed the Great Seinfeld Watch, having devoted around 90 hours to it over the course of 5.5 days.

For several years, my friend Kevin and I have talked about watching the entire nine-season run of Seinfeld—all 180+ episodes—straight through.

The reason is two-fold: We both consider this show to be modern civilization’s crowning achievement, and we were both kind of scared of girls in college.

At long last, our dream is coming true as part of the 33 Project (although I should point out we are giving ourselves from midnight to 8:00 a.m. each day to reassess our priorities in life). Starting this Sunday, Oct. 7, and likely concluding sometime Friday, Oct. 12, we will be making our way through roughly 70 hours of the greatest television of all-time.

Yes, we both took a week of vacation to do this. I’ll just go ahead and let that sink in.

To say I’m excited would be an understatement. So, too, would saying I’m terrified because there’s a possibility I could very well be about to ruin one of the best things in my life.

Don’t worry: My wife isn’t surprised to hear that.

But not only will we be watching, we’ll be ranking, too, using the following matrix we’ve devised to score each episode:

The Seinfeld MatrixAs for the scores themselves, we have devised the über-scientfic system below, in which the “Laugh Factor/Overall Merit” points will be assigned based on how that episode compares to another two comedies—one past and one present—at their very best, while all other categories will use a scale based on memorable Seinfeld quotes.

Seinfeld ScoringWe hope you’ll follow our progress/gradual slide into insanity on Twitter; Kevin is @kleonar2, and I’m @thetedfox.

Lastly, we’re still on the fence about whether we should watch and/or rank the two highlight “clip” shows that were part of the series. Do you have an opinion? If so, we’d love to hear it below.

Vaya con Dios.

Day 1 Video Recap
Day 2 Video Recap
Day 3 Video Recap and Announcement
Day 4(ish) Video Recap
Day 5 Video Recap
Day 6 Video Recap

The Great Seinfeld Ranking

Season 1 Average (5 episodes): 44.4/100
Season 2 Average (13 episodes): 49.1/100
Season 3 Average (22 episodes): 65.6/100
Season 4 Average (24 episodes): 71.3/100
Season 5 Average (22 episodes): 75.9/100
Season 6 Average (24 episodes): 79.3/100
Season 7 Average (24 episodes): 76.1/100
Season 8 Average (22 episodes): 79.0/100
Season 9 Average (24 episodes): 75.9/100

100/100.

99.

98.

97.

96.

95.

94.

93. “The Serenity Now” (9.3)

92. “The Doorman” (6.18); “The Strike” (9.10)

91. “The Implant” (4.19)

90/100. “The Jimmy” (6.19); “The Yada Yada” (8.19)

89. “The Opera” (4.9); “The Puffy Shirt” (5.3)

88. “The Contest” (4.11); “The Label Maker” (6.12)

87. “The Boyfriend (Part I)” (3.15)*; “The Boyfriend (Part II)” (3.16)*; “The Switch” (6.10); “The Race” (6.11)

86.

85. “The Outing” (4.16); “The Soup Nazi” (7.6); “The Abstinence” (8.9); “The Dealership” (9.11)

84. “The Mom & Pop Store” (6.7); “The Face Painter” (6.23); “The Shower Head” (7.16); “The Bizarro Jerry” (8.3); “The Summer of George” (8.22)

83. “The Sniffing Accountant” (5.4); “The Stall” (5.12); “The Dinner Party” (5.14); “The Chinese Woman” (6.4); “The Comeback” (8.12); “The English Patient” (8.17); “The Voice” (9.2)

82. “The Andrea Doria” (8.10); “The Money” (8.13); “The Merv Griffin Show” (9.6)

81. “The Pez Dispenser” (3.14); “The Cigar Store Indian” (5.10); “The Marine Biologist” (5.13); “The Gum” (7.10); “The Package” (8.5); “The Van Buren Boys” (8.14); “The Susie” (8.15); “The Muffin Tops” (8.21); “The  Burning” (9.16)

80/100. “The Bubble Boy” (4.7); “The Cheever Letters” (4.8); “The Doodle” (6.20); “The Fusilli Jerry” (6.21); “The Caddy” (7.12); “The Reverse Peephole” (9.12)

79. “The Visa” (4.14); “The Hamptons” (5.21); “The Couch” (6.5)

78. “The Bris” (5.5); “The Stand-In” (5.16); “The Opposite” (5.22); “The Pool Guy” (7.8); “The Cadillac, Part 1” (7.14)*; “The Cadillac, Part 2” (7.15)*; “The Little Kicks” (8.4); “The Cartoon” (9.13)

77. “The Virgin” (4.10); “The Pie” (5.15); “The Seven” (7.13); “The Wigmaster” (7.19); “The Calzone” (7.20); “The Chicken Roaster” (8.8); “The Slicer” (9.7); “The Puerto Rican Day” (9.20)

76. “The Junior Mint” (4.21); “The Mango” (5.1); “The Chaperone” (6.1); “The Pledge Drive” (6.3); “The Gymnast” (6.6); “The Beard” (6.16); “The Engagement” (7.1); “The Maestro” (7.3); “The Hot Tub” (7.5); “The Sponge” (7.9); “The Rye” (7.11); “The Doll” (7.17); “The Fatigues” (8.6)

75. “The Glasses” (5.2); “The Lip Reader” (5.6); “The Non-Fat Yogurt” (5.7); “The Soup” (6.8); “The Kiss Hello” (6.17); “The Postponement” (7.2); “The Soul Mate” (8.2); “The Little Jerry” (8.11); “The Nap” (8.18); “The Maid” (9.19)

74. “The Fix-Up (3.17); “The Movie” (4.15); “The Shoes” (4.17); “The Handicap Spot” (4.20); “The Fire” (5.18); “The Understudy” (6.24); “The Secret Code” (7.7); “The Wait Out” (7.23); “The Butter Shave” (9.1); “The Wizard” (9.15)

73. “The Parking Space” (3.21); “The Pilot” (4.23)*; “The Pilot, Part 2” (4.24)*; “The Big Salad” (6.2)

72. “The Alternate Side” (3.10); “The Letter” (3.20); “The Raincoats” (5.19)*; “The Raincoats” (5.20)*; “The Diplomat’s Club” (6.22); “The Wink” (7.4); “The Friars Club” (7.18); “The Bottle Deposit, Part 1” (7.21)*; “The Bottle Deposit, Part 2” (7.22)*; “The Foundation” (8.1); “The Betrayal” (9.8)

71. “The Old Man” (4.18); “The Scofflaw” (6.13); “The Checks” (8.7); “The Pothole” (8.16); “The Millennium” (8.20); “The Strong Box” (9.14)

70/100. “The Tape” (3.8); “The Pick” (4.13); “The Barber” (5.8); “The Blood” (9.4); “The Junk Mail” (9.5)

69. “The Apology” (9.9)

68. “The Subway” (3.13); “The Pitch” (4.3); “The Wallet” (4.5); “The Conversion” (5.11); “The Finale–Part 1” (9.23)*; “The Finale–Part 2” (9.24)*

67. “The Ticket” (4.4); “The Frogger” (9.18)

66. “The Cafe” (3.7); “The Wife” (5.17); “The Secretary” (6.9)

65. “The Note” (3.1)

64. “The Smelly Car” (4.22); “The Invitations” (7.24); “The Bookstore” (9.17)

63. “The Pen” (3.5); “The Parking Garage” (3.6); “The Good Samaritan” (3.19)

62.

61. “The Nose Job” (3.9)

60/100. “The Watch” (4.6)

59. “The Keys” (3.22)

58. “The Pony Remark” (2.2); “The Statue” (2.10); “The Red Dot” (3.11)

57. “The Library” (3.4); “The Limo” (3.18)

56. “The Jacket” (2.5); “The Suicide” (3.12); “The Masseuse” (5.9)

55. “The Apartment” (2.8)

54.

53. “The Stake Out” (1.3); “The Heart Attack” (2.11)

52. “The Chinese Restaurant” (2.6)

51. “The Truth (3.2)

50/100. “Male-Unbonding” (1.2); “The Baby Shower” (2.4); “The Airport” (4.12)

49.

48. “The Ex-Girlfriend” (2.1)

47.

46. “The Seinfeld Chronicles” (pilot); “The Busboy” (2.3); “The Stranded” (2.9)

45.

44.

43.

42. “The Stock Tip” (1.5); “The Phone Message” (2.7)

41. “The Trip, Part I” (4.1)

40/100. “The Dog” (3.3)

39.

38. “The Trip, Part II” (4.2)

37. “The Revenge” (2.12); “The Deal” (2.13)

36.

35.

34.

33.

32.

31. “The Robbery” (1.4)

30/100.

29.

28.

27.

26.

25.

24.

23.

22.

21.

20/100.

19.

18.

17.

16.

15.

14.

13.

12.

11.

10/100.

9.

8.

7.

6.

5.

4.

3.

2.

1/100.

*”This was one part of a two-part episode that was watched without a break and assigned one overall score. However, for the purposes of ranking all 182 episodes, we’ve listed them separately.

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25 comments

  1. Francisco Rodriguez

    This might be, in fact, the greatest thing ever.

    I’m highly interested where one of my all time favorite episodes rank on yours (“The Dinner Party”, aka the chocolate babka episode)

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